Stepford Secrets
by Kiara-Zzyopen
Summary: COMPLETE: XOver with 'Desperate Housewives'. Wisteria Lane holds many secrets, but sometimes you have to call in the professionals...
1. The Detergant Commercial

**Rating**: PG

**Spoilers/ Timeline**: Very slightly up to the fifth or sixth episode of the first season of Desperate Housewives. I haven't seen any further than these episodes as of starting this story, so sorry if it doesn't really make sense with the way the story goes after those eps. Set after Edie has moved in with Mrs. Huber, during the whole blackmailing Susan bit and about a year after 'Chosen' in the Buffy-verse.

**Summary**: Wisteria Lane holds many secrets and sometimes you need to bring in the professionals…

* * *

**PART ONE- THE DETERGENT COMMERCIAL **

"Whoa."

"Seconded."

The two young women looked down the row of houses.

"Not really the sort of place you'd expect to have a demon problem."

"You're right there... I think it's all the white. Walls, doors, even the picket fences; one fight and they'd turn a lovely shade of crimson…or any colour really. You never know what colours are gonna come out of a demon until you chop something off."

The younger of the two turned to look at the petite blond beside her. "You disturb me."

"This coming from Dawn 'blood-and-gore' Summers. Come on, it's number sixteen."

Dawn followed after her sister down the street. "Oh yeah, cause your quips are always so well thought through."

"More so than that one." Buffy retorted.

Wisteria Lane was deserted. There was no chatter from gossiping neighbours, no screaming from their children, nothing. But as the pair walked down the street, their finely honed paranoia led them to believe that someone, or something, was watching them.

Dawn looked around uneasily. One of the curtains twitched as if someone had been standing there a moment before and jumped back quickly. She shuddered. "What do we know about this place?"

Buffy frowned. "Not much really. Willow picked it up as being a bit of a demon hotspot- they're drawn here like they would be to the hellmouth only on a much smaller scale."

"I know what a hotspot is, but what do we _know_? Is there a nest? Some kind of ritual coming up? A long line of mysterious and unsolved murders?"

"Maybe, Giles never said. But I doubt it'll be anything to big, if it were then he'd have given us some slayers."

"So we have no idea why we're here or what we're looking for? Great, that always ends so well." The youngest Summers woman said sarcastically.

Buffy shrugged. "Giles wouldn't have sent us if it were too dangerous. I think it's this one." She strode on ahead a pushed the unlocked door open.

"I'm glad you feel so confident." Dawn muttered before following her sister into the large house.

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"I don't think this is such a good idea." Dawn commented as Buffy set up the 'tele-ring' in one of the empty rooms.

"Are you kidding? You'd rather pack all our stuff into boxes and then lug it all the way here from Italy? Not thank you. This way Wills can just teleport it all here for us."

"But we just walked right up the street in broad daylight without any boxes; don't you think the natives will get suspicious?"

Buffy finished marking the ring of what looked like chalk on the floor and straightened up. "Nah, we'll just say it arrived early. That's believable, besides we'll only be here for a few weeks at the most."

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you." Dawn said in a sing-song voice.

"Dawn, I'm the slayer, I think I can handle a few nosy neighbours."

"Oh Buffy, poor simple Buffy; while I admit you are…capable with demons, the ability to eviscerate a vampire in under three seconds will get you nowhere with actual humans."

"Ha, ha- very funny. You've been spending too much time with Andrew."

Thirty minutes later, the entrance hall, living room, kitchen, dining room and two of the bedrooms had been furnished with various objects from their Italian apartment. Although several of the items looked a bit lost in the large house and many of the rooms were still empty, it would give the appearance to anyone to visited that they were moving in permanently and not just until they killed whatever demons were about.

They were just putting the finishing touches to the entrance hall when the doorbell went. Through the glass window on the door Buffy and Dawn could see a red haired woman standing on their doorstep with some sort of dish in her hands.

Buffy put on a bright smile as she opened the door. "Hey there."

"Hello." Her voice was too smooth- it just sounded fake. "I thought I'd bring you a basket of muffins to say welcome to Wisteria Lane."

Buffy accepted the basket full of delicious looking, still warm cakes. "Thank you, that's really nice of you Mrs…?"

"Van de Kamp, Bree."

"I'm Buffy, and this is my sister Dawn."

"Hello." Dawn smiled at the woman on the doorstep, grateful that they had put some of their furniture out before anyone saw how empty their house had been moments before it was suddenly full.

"You're all moved in, I see." Bree peered over Buffy's shoulder into the living room, which still had a big white circle on the floor, surrounded by random candles and bottles of spell ingredients.

Dawn kicked the door shut with her foot as Bree's smile faltered for a moment, but only for a moment.

Buffy carried on like nothing had happened. "I would invite you in for a drink, but I haven't had the chance to go grocery shopping yet and we literally have nothing in."

"Oh of course, I'll leave you to get settled in." With one last look towards the closed door she left, but her curiosity was peeked.

"That was a close one." Buffy said as she closed the door.

Dawn nodded. "We should've cleaned that up."

"Yup- well it won't take long, and then we can eat these yummy muffins!"

As Buffy and Dawn collapsed on their sofa five minutes later, each holding a half eaten cake, the doorbell went again.

Dawn groaned. "I'll get it."

A fairly short woman stood on the other side of the door. "Hello dear, I'm Mrs. Huber. I just thought I'd drop by and welcome you to the neighbourhood."

"Ah that's sweet. Well thank you." She moved as if to shut the door, but the woman started talking again.

"I saw you arrive earlier, my you got settled quickly- I never even saw the removal van drop off your belongings!" She exclaimed as she saw the fully finished entrance hall.

"Well, it all arrived a while ago. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm pretty tired what with the moving and all."

A look of annoyance flitted across her face. "I'll just go then. It's number nine if you want anything."

"Great, thanks." This time she managed to shut the door on the nosy woman.

"I told you they'd get suspicious." Dawn said as she returned to Buffy.

"It'll be fine Dawnie, chill."

"Fine- I'm chilling!" Dawn said agitated. "But I still think we should have played this one more carefully…"

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"It's not mine." Susan tried, looking at the charred measuring cup her neighbour had placed on her table.

"Of course not, but if…" Something caught Mrs. Huber's eye. It was inside the house that those two young girls had just moved into, in the big upstairs window she could see one of the girls spinning about- it looked like she was fighting the air and there was something metal in her hands that the sun was glinting off… It was a sword!

"Oh my Goodness!"

"What is it?" Susan asked. If Mrs. Huber stayed distracted for two more minutes then she could get the jug…

"The people that have moved into the old Riscotta house, look!"

Susan went over to the window. "I don't see any- Jesus Christ! Is she playing with a sword?"

"It certainly looks that way. What do you think they're doing on Wisteria Lane?"

* * *

A/N: These are parts, not chapters. For me, this means that updating will be fast, but the parts will be shorter than chapters would be.

Does this crossover work? I wasn't really sure. Please Review!


	2. Suspicious Minds

**Thanks to the Reviewers:**

Light demon dark angel: Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

Juzblu: Perfect? Not sure about that. Thanks for reviewing

Manticore-gurl 071134: I hope the wait wasn't too long. Thanks for reviewing.

Imzadi: I thought someone would have done this crossover sooner too, oh well- it just makes me individual :) Thanks for your interest in the story.

Matt: Heya! Glad you like :)

Amy: I hope you like this chapter as much as the last. Thanks for reviewing.

Isiwaru of Ckaloatia: Thanks for reading and reviewing.

**Rating**: PG

**Spoilers/ Timeline**: Very slightly up to the fifth or sixth episode of the first season of Desperate Housewives. I haven't seen any further than these episodes, so sorry if it doesn't really make sense with the way the story goes after those eps. Set after Edie has moved in with Mrs. Huber, during the whole blackmailing Susan bit and about a year after 'Chosen' in the Buffy-verse.

**Summary**: Wisteria Lane holds many secrets and sometimes you need to bring in the professionals…

**PART TWO- SUSPICIOUS MINDS**

"A sword?"

"That's what I saw." Susan stated.

Bree put a plate with a few snacks on down on the table they were sitting round. "I don't see what the big deal is; I keep guns in my house."

"Yes, but you keep them locked up and don't practice with them in a spare bedroom. I tell you- something's not right with those girls."

"They seemed normal enough to me. The older one, Bunty or something, managed to catch Porter _and_ Preston when they got out this morning- that girl saved my life."

"You're kidding? Both of them? Christ, is she superwoman?" Gabrielle said, daintily sipping on her lemonade.

"She is to me… do you think she'd like to baby-sit? The twins have scared all my other neighbours off." Lynette sent a meaningful glance around the table, not that she blamed her friends- if she weren't their mother then she'd have nothing to do with the twins either.

"Lynette, you know how…fond we are of your boys, but let's be honest; for one person to be able to control both twins with no effort is unusual to say the least."

"Unusual? I wouldn't be surprised if they owned a flying pig." She scoffed. There were no illusions where her boys were concerned.

"Now I think of it," Bree said as she sat down- finally satisfied that everything was perfect, "when I went round to welcome them they did seem a bit strange."

"Strange how?" Susan asked. She loved a good mystery and wouldn't stop until it was solved.

"Well they didn't want me to come in. There was a big ring on the floor in one of the rooms, but when they saw I was looking the younger one shut the door."

"A ring on the floor? Well that could be perfectly innocent." Gabrielle reasoned.

"Only if they're into sumo wrestling. And it looked like they'd emptied their spice rack next to it." Bree remembered.

Lynette groaned. "Just what we need- more freaks on the neighbourhood."

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"Ever get the feeling you're being talked about?"

Buffy and Dawn were walking to their house, their arms laden with grocery bags. This time many of their neighbours were out all talking to each other, but they all stopped and turned to look at the streets latest arrivals as they walked past.

Bree decided to take the plunge and try to talk to them again. "Hello Dawn, Morning Bunty."

Dawn managed to turn her laugh into a cough.

"Actually it's Buffy."

"Oh sorry." She sounded distracted.

Buffy smiled. "Don't worry about it, it happens all the time."

"Hmm."

"Mrs. Van de Kamp? Bree? Are you alright?"

She snapped back into reality. "What? Oh yes…did you know your top has a stain on it?"

"Err Yes- I didn't think it was that noticeable." Buffy shifted as the woman stared at the tiny spot on her shoulder.

Bree forced her eyes back to Buffy's face. "No, no it's not."

"Okay, well bye then."

"Bye bye." One last glance at the spot and then she moved on.

"Well that was odd." Dawn said when they were out of ear shot.

"You're telling me. This whole mission is 'odd'. We've been here three days and patrolling for hours each night but there haven't been any demons. Not even one measly vamp."

Dawn shrugged. "Maybe Willow got it wrong."

"No," Buffy shook her head puzzled; "I had her double check when she phoned the other night but she's still picking up demons in the area. They're definitely here somewhere, we just can't find them."

Buffy stiffened as she entered their current residence. There was someone else there…or something.

"Dawnie, why don't you put the groceries in there." She said as nonchalantly as possible and pointing to the room where they stored their weapons.

Dawn looked confused. "But that's where we keep the- ohh, sure." She amended catching Buffy's look.

As Dawn went to the safety of the weapons room, Buffy stalked slowly into the living room…and laughed out loud at what she saw.

"Willow! Why didn't you let us know you were coming?"

The 'intruder' got up of the sofa grinning broadly. "I thought you guys could do with some help."

"You were right. Heya Wills." Dawn said as she came into the room. "You nearly made Buffy pee her pants."

"She did not." Buffy huffed as Willow laughed.

"This is a nice place." Willow observed a few minutes later when they had all calmed down a bit. "Aside from the whole demon-town thing, of course."

"Yeah it's nice." Buffy agreed. "It's really weird though. Dawn and I have gone out every night and found nothing apart from a few weird neighbours."

"Not even vampires?"

"Nope- nothing."

Willow frowned. "Tell me more about the neighbours…"

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"So how does this work?" Buffy asked from where she sat observing Willow set out various spell ingredients.

"It's a modified version of the first spell I used. If all goes according to plan then the big light should split up into lots 'a mini Tinkerbelle lights which should then go and find all the demons and put dinky little lights wherever they are on my handy map." Willow grinned holding up a large map of the area. "Then we go to the locations of the dinky lights and you slay the big bad demons. Sound good?"

Buffy nodded. "Sounds great."

"Right. Then let's get started."

Five minutes later Buffy and Dawn were looking at the map in confusion.

"Are you sure you did it right?" Dawn asked, still looking sceptically at the lights on the map.

"Positive. Why, what's wrong?"

"Well it looks like the demons are all in people's houses." Buffy said puzzled. "That light there is in the Van de Camp's and that light's over at Mrs. Huber's and I'm pretty sure that those two are in Lynette's house. It doesn't make sense…"

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The third (and probably final) part is coming soon!

_Please review!_


	3. A Little Dirty Laundry

**Thanks to all the Reviewers:**

**Imzadi:** Sorry, this really is the last chapter. I plan to do a sequel of sorts a few episodes in the future when Carlos, who just happens to be a client of Wolfram and Hart, needs an attractive new lawyer…

**Lightdemondarkangel:** Yup, really the final part. I'm planning a short sequel…

**Jusblu**: Thanks for reading and reviewing. All shall be explained this chapter, I hope.

**Jaspis:** Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Thanks for reviewing.

**Charmed Angel-4:** Thanks for reading and reviewing. Sorry the update took a while!

**Rating**: PG

**Spoilers/ Timeline**: Very slightly up to the fifth or sixth episode of the first season of Desperate Housewives. I haven't seen any further than these episodes, so sorry if it doesn't really make sense with the way the story goes after those eps. Set after Edie has moved in with Mrs. Huber, during the whole blackmailing Susan bit and about a year after 'Chosen' in the Buffy-verse.

**PART THREE- A LITTLE DIRTY LAUNDRY**

"Do we have to do this?" Dawn whined.

"Shhh!"

Dawn was quiet for a moment. "This is pointless!"

"Shhh! You're the one who wanted to be more involved." Buffy said in a quiet whisper.

"That was before I thought being involved meant hiding in the bushes." Dawn muttered.

There was a lot of rustling then.

"Dawn?" Buffy looked around for her sister. "Dawn! Get back here!"

Dawn turned her head defiantly and knocked on Bree Van de Camp's door.

"Why, hello Dawn." Bree said surprised when she opened the door to find her newest neighbour there. "Did you want something?"

"Umm yeah. Could we borrow some sugar?" Dawn cursed herself for her unimaginative excuse.

Bree looked slightly suspicious. "Of course. Come in, I'll just get you some."

"Thanks. So…is everything okay here?"

Bree sent Dawn an odd look. "Everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

Dawn grinned. "Just making conversation."

Bree smiled falsely as she handed over a cup of sugar. "There you go."

"Thanks, Mrs. Van de Camp."

The moment Dawn left the house Buffy rounded on her. "What happened?"

"Her whole family is there. Definitely no demons attacking that house."

Buffy frowned. "And there wasn't one at Edie's, Lynette's or Mrs. Huber's. But Willow swears that she did the spell right. We must be looking at this the wrong way…"

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"This is hopeless." There was a dull thud as one of the Watchers Council's more valuable books dropped onto the table sending a cloud of dust into the air.

Willow looked up at the blond slayer who had absolutely no patience for the research. "We don't exactly have any other leads that we can follow, Buffy."

Buffy ignored her long time friend. "We should be out there looking!"

"For what?" Dawn asked. "We don't know what we're looking for, and that goes for the research too. What am I looking for? Vampires? Demon's who can conceal themselves from humans? What?"

"Probably both." Willow said distractedly as she thumbed through a particularly large volume. But then she stopped and she looked up, her eyes wide. "That's it! I've got to go to headquarters and pick up a book- I'll be five minutes, max!"

With that she teleported out of the house leaving two confused sisters behind her.

Buffy stared at the spot Willow had recently vacated. "Did you understand any of that?"

Dawn shook her head. "Not a single word."

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It was another coffee morning around Susan's. The four housewives sat around the kitchen counter drinking their tea and gossiping about the latest event in their lives and their friends' lives. The topic of conversation had quickly moved onto the newest residents of Wisteria Lane; Buffy and Dawn Summers.

"So what? I borrow sugar and stuff from you guys all the time." Gabrielle said after Bree had told them of her encounter with Dawn the previous evening.

"I just got the feeling that it was some kind of a cover story. I've heard enough of them from Andrew to recognise one when I see it. As a matter of fact, I think them being here is a cover story."

"What do you mean?" Gabrielle asked.

"Why did they suddenly move here? You wouldn't have thought they could afford it to look at them for one thing, I really don't feel comfortable around the older one for another and they've been acting suspiciously since they got here."

Lynette nodded. "I agree, something isn't right."

"I think we should try to find out why they're really here." Susan said.

"Oh yeah that'll be easy." Lynette snorted.

"It doesn't matter, we should still try!" Susan said passionately.

"How?" Gabriele said. "Just go over there and ask them why they moved in? Even if there is something fishy about it they're hardly going to just tell us, are they?"

"Well, we could do it gently. We could ask them about it over coffee and pastry." Bree suggested as she sipped on her coffee.

"That would be fun: 'So girls, we were just wondering why you moved to the neighbourhood because we think you're involved in some kind of illegal scam or something, another croissant?'"

Gabrielle grinned slightly. "We could always call the police. "

Lynette, as always the voice of reason, shook her head. "No, we don't have any proof."

"We've gotta find out what was going on." Susan repeated.

"Let's say we do find out why they moved here. There's a chance we're not gonna like what we find. " Lynette said as she refilled her coffee cup.

"Well, isn't it worse to be in the dark, wondering why they're here? " Susan reasoned.

Bree sighed gently and put her cup back onto the worktop. "It's the usual question, isn't it? How much do we really want to know about our neighbours?"

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"Human Demons?" Buffy scrunched up her nose. "What are human demons?"

"They're demons that have an aspect of humankind in them." Willow explained. "Like vampires."

"What? Like they used to be human?"

"Sort of. Okay, so vampires were once human and they keep one aspect of human-ness when they're turned." Buffy and Dawn stared blankly at Willow. "Their appearance." Willow clarified. "They look like regular humans when they want to."

"Oh I get it." Buffy said nodding her head, but there was still a look of bewilderment on her face.

Willow sighed patiently. "Okay, look at the lights on the map. They mean that there's a demon on that spot, right? It could be a full demon like Clem or it could be a part demon."

"Okay."

"By the map, there are two demons running right outside the street now, correct?"

"Yes," Dawn said as she looked out the window; "but there isn't anything out there except for…no, really?"

Willow nodded, glad that someone was getting her point.

"But that means…wow."

"Exactly." Willow said.

"Exactly what?" Buffy asked.

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"Porter? Preston?" Lynette ran out into the street. "If you two don't back here right now then I swear to God…"

Bree pulled up in her car. "Is everything okay, Lynette? Danielle, can you start to put shopping away?"

Her daughter obeyed as her son stepped out into the sun and leaned against the car talking on his mobile phone.

"No it's not. The gardener left the gate open and the twins escaped…again. Preston! Porter! Get back here!"

"Mom!"

Lynette turned as she heard her boys call out for her and saw them being frog marched towards her by Martha Huber who was being followed by a smirking Edie Britt.

"Get your hand off my kids!"

"Lynette," Bree warned as both Andrew and Edie looked on in amusement.

"These…monsters where trampling on my rhododendrons!"

Even Paul and Zack Young stopped to watch as Lynette and Mrs. Huber started yelling at each other.

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Meanwhile…

"Look at the map Buffy, what do you see?" Willow asked patiently.

"Well, most the demons seem to be in the street outside." The original slayer observed.

"And what's outside?"

"Nothing." She said puzzled. "Just the Young's, Mrs. Huber, Lynette, Bree, Edie, the twins and Bree's kid. Why? Wait, you're not saying that they're demons?"

"Yup."

"You want me to slay my neighbours?"

"No; peaceful demons, again I use Clem as an example. They probably don't even know what they are. At some point, possibly generations and generations ago their blood was mixed with a demon's. Maybe a vengeance demon or something." She said as an afterthought.

Buffy frowned. "Okay, so there are some non-evil demons drawn to this cause it's a minor demon hotspot and they pose absolutely no threat to society? Does that mean I can go back to Italy without getting blood and guts on my clothes?"

Willow grinned. "Suppose so."

"Great! Let's go now!" Buffy jumped up in excitement. "I can go back and see my friends and Dawn can get back in time for the start of the new term."

"Wahoo." Dawn said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I can hardly wait."

All the same she went upstairs to pack her few belongings. It was always the same- they always moved on as soon as the job finished.

An hour later Buffy, Dawn and Willow were walking back down Wisteria Lane, Buffy laden down with two bags and Dawn carrying one small one. Gabrielle, who had been doing her yoga exercises on her front porch ran down the steps towards the trio. "Wait! Where are you going?"

"We're leaving!" Buffy said cheerfully. "Nice to meet you. Bye then."

Gabrielle watched the Summers' and their friend lest Wisteria Lane once and for all leaving so many questions unanswered.

But as Gabrielle watched the mysterious former-residents of Wisteria Lane walk down the street for the last time, she had no idea that she wasn't alone. Someone who knew that the slayer was a very real threat to their kind, but she was leaving as the pair of glowing amber eyes watched from the shadows…

**THE END**

What did you think? I'm planning a short sequel to be posted in a few weeks hopefully. _Please Review!_


	4. SEQUAL: Innocence is Overrated

**Disclaimer**: None of it's mine. Not a single damn thing.

**Rating**: PG-13 to be safe.

**Spoilers: **Very slight ones up to about episode twelve or so, then it goes AU. Takes place mid season 5 of Angel.

**Inspiration: **Goes to **Imzadi** for planting all kinds of plot bunnies. This mini-fic is all your fault!

**A/N: **Sequel to 'Stepford Secrets'. If you haven't read that then you're gonna be mighty lost here folks!

**INNOCENCE IS OVERRATED by Kiara**

"Did you do it?"

There was a pause. "I can pay you; there'll be no problem there."

"I never doubted it for a second, Mr. Solis, but did you do it? It's a simple enough question." He was beginning to loose patience with this man, well he always lost patience with the clients directed his way really.

The client had yet to say anything, which said it all really.

Charles Gunn leant back in his desk chair and eyed his latest client. Wolfram and Hart had very few human customers so to speak, and only a handful of these were individuals as opposed to big corporate companies. Whenever one of these cases was taken on, it usually got passed to Gunn straight away as humans were the only client that they could be sure he wouldn't slay.

He wistfully thought back to his last innocent client, before his employment by Wolfram and Hart; back when they could kill the evil, not negotiate with it. Ah, those were the days.

He took his red pen and scrawled 'guilty' at the bottom of the page. "You'll probably have to agree to a settlement, compensation to the wronged party." Gunn looked down to the sheet before him and let out a low whistle. "Make that wronged par_ties_."

Carlos Solis nodded. "I expected as much. But no jail time?"

Mentally Gunn was saying 'yes, you deserve it', but outwardly he schooled his features into an unreadable look. "I doubt that very much. Wolfram and Hart are excellent at covering up its clients…mistakes."

Carlos shot a sharp look at his lawyer, but he kept his face suspiciously blank. "Are you insulting me, Mr. Gunn?" He asked in what was supposed to be a threatening manner.

"Not at all. After all, guilt is very in this season- it's the new black you might say. And innocence is extremely overrated when it comes to breaking the law." Gunn kept his poker face, mentally wondering where his last comments had come from. He eventually decided it was probably some of Cordelia's influence rubbed off on him from beyond the grave.

Carlos opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by someone knocking on a door and then entering the room before the invitation was announced.

"Gunn, Buffy's wait- oh sorry, I didn't realise you were with a client."

"Don't worry about it. Mr. Solis, this is Mr. Angel, the CEO of these offices. Angel, Carlos Solis. My…client." Gunn locked eyes with Angel, silently communicating.

Carlos stood and offered his hand to Angel which he politely accepted. "It's a pleasure, Mr. Angel."

Angel just smiled. "I'm sure it is."

Before Carlos could feel offence a familiar blond bounced into the room.

"What's taking so long?" She said, but then froze when she saw Carlos.

It was then he remembered what Angel had said when he first entered the office: Buffy's waiting.

"Err, I'll wait outside." Buffy said, hoping to all the Gods in heaven and a few in other dimensions a lot more fiery, that he hadn't recognised her. But he had.

"Wait a second, it is you isn't it? Buffy…?"

"Summers." She reluctantly revealed.

"That's it. You caused quite a stir on Wisteria Lane when you left so suddenly." He looked the young woman over, wondering what had caused the gossip queens on the Lane to devote so much of their time talking about her.

Angel lowered his head and spoke quietly. "You know this guy?"

She nodded. "He was one of my neighbours in Wisteria Lane."

"Ah… demon?"

"Don't think so." She whispered back.

Carlos looked at the duo curiously. He'd overheard snatches of what they'd said, but nothing that particularly interested him. As far as he'd heard, she was just explaining where they knew each other from. "If you don't mind me asking, Miss Summers-"

She'd folded her arms across her chest defensively when Carlos had started speaking. "Buffy, please."

"Buffy, why did you leave so suddenly, and arrive so suddenly come to that?"

"No, I don't mind you asking."

He waited for her answer. "Well?"

"I said I didn't mind you asking, not that I'd tell you the answer." The blond slayer smirked, even though she knew that she'd have to send him back to his nosy wife with some kind of titbit of information or else one of her former neighbours would be constantly on the phone bugging her. "We moved back so that Dawn could start the new school term on time."

"Why move to Wisteria Lane in the first place?"

Had no one ever told this guy that curiosity killed the cat?

"To check out the area. To see if it was somewhere that we might want to live. It wasn't. We left, end of story. I'll wait for you guys outside." Buffy left, effectively stopping Carlos' questioning.

Gunn and Angel smiled sweetly as Carlos turned back to them, his mind full of unanswered questions.

"Ah Buffy; you gotta love her." Angel murmured, still smiling falsely.

Carlos returned a smile, just as fake. "Indeed."

They all stood for a moment as if in a freeze frame until Angel finally cleared his throat.

"So, Gunn; do you think we'll be able to help Mr. Solis with his case?"

"He was using slave labour." Gunn said as he gestured to the open file on his desk.

"Allegedly." Carlos spoke up. "It's your job to prove that I didn't."

"But you did." Gunn retorted with his usual amount of tact.

Carlos glared at the lawyer. "But it's your job to prove that I didn't." He repeated slowly and firmly.

"Yet there's still that tiny problem that you're guilty."

"Whatever gives to that idea?" Carlos said breezily.

Gunn just gave him a look.

Carlos stared him straight in the eye. "Let's say, hypothetically speaking, of course-"

"Oh of course."

"Let's say I was guilty. I know your company's reputation; ninety-nine percent of your clientele are guilty and ninety-nine percent go free. That's why your firm is the best and I _always_ have the best."

Gunn held his gaze for a long moment before locking eyes with Angel who shrugged as if to say 'it's up to you'.

Gunn flipped the file closed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Solis, but I don't feel that I can represent you."

"What? But you said all I'd have to do is pay compensation!"

"And you would… if I were to accept your case, which I won't."

"I've already told you I can pay."

Gunn let out a humourless laugh. "For once in this damned building it's not about the money. At the end of the day, you're guilty, you should go to jail. I prefer my clients innocent or at least evil undead so I can stake their sorry asses, and you don't qualify for either. Now get the hell outta my office."

Carlos picked up his brief case with as much dignity as he could muster. "I feel I should inform you, Mr. Gunn; nobody innocent ever needs a lawyer. Even if they did, they wouldn't be able to afford your prices."

Gunn shrugged. "Whatever."

"You're making a big mistake. Your other clients won't be happy to know you're turning down cases over such trivial matters."

Gunn cocked one eyebrow at him but refused to rise to the bait. "Again, whatever."

With one last glare, Carlos stormed out of the office and past his former neighbour who was sitting on a desk, loading a crossbow. That stopped him in his tracks and he turned around.

He saw her pathetically attempt to hide the crossbow behind her back and waved innocently at him. "Leaving so soon?"

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before answering. "I know there's something not right here. And you know what, I don't care! You and your little friends in there can keep your little delusions, just stay away from Wisteria Lane!"

Buffy shrugged. It wasn't as if she was planning to go back anytime soon. "Okay."

He hadn't expected her to give in so easily. "Right…that's settled them." He said before leaving the offices once and for all.

Buffy shook her head at the retreating figure. "Poor, poor, stupid little man."

Angel and Gunn came out then, each holding their chosen weapons.

"Finally, I thought you'd got lost or something. Can we go slay now?"

"Sure; I feel strangely in the mood for killing evil." Gunn said with a wicked smirk.

Angel looked alarmed. "Stay away from the clients!"

Gunn rolled his eyes. He slung an arm around Buffy's shoulders and they walked away, leaving the panicking vampire to chase after them.

"I mean it Gunn; you can't kill all our customers!"

He rolled his eyes again, pushing the image of his decapitating his ten 'o clock appointment to the back of his mind, mostly. "Sure boss, whatever you say."

**Fini **

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